But I Can't

I hate my life right now.


I want to take out my rage on someone, but I can't
I want to kill someone
I wAnt to watch the life leave their body, but I won't because I can't

No I can do that, but I will not, because I should not

I want to make him suffer
I want to kill him
I want to make him beg for his life
I want to make him hurt like I hurt
But I know that I can't do that to him
Not just because I'm not physically close enough to him, but because he doesn't deserve it

I feel like I need to cry all day and all night, but I can't
I want to cry, but I can't
I want to move past this sadness, but I can't

I blame myself, even though she caused it all, even though she killed me
But I can't help but feel, that if we were physically closer I could have prevented this

I need you to love me
I've fallen apart without you

I was in a deep hole of depression before we met and you helped pull me out of it
But now you've pushed me back into that hole
And now you're the only one who can pull me out of it again