But I Can'tI hate my life right now.I want to take out my rage on someone, but I can'tI want to kill someoneI wAnt to watch the life leave their body, but I won't because I can'tNo I can do that, but I will not, because I should notI want to make him sufferI want to kill himI want to make him beg for his lifeI want to make him hurt like I hurtBut I know that I can't do that to himNot just because I'm not physically close enough to him, but because he doesn't deserve itI feel like I need to cry all day and all night, but I can'tI want to cry, but I can'tI want to move past this sadness, but I can'tI blame myself, even though she caused it all, even though she killed meBut I can't help but feel, that if we were physically closer I could have prevented thisI need you to love meI've fallen apart without youI was in a deep hole of depression before we met and you helped pull me out of itBut now you've pushed me back into that holeAnd now you're the only one who can pull me out of i
What I Carry-Better Version What I CarryWhat do I carry?I carry what I need for each day.On school days I carry my two huge, double ringed, yellow binders, pens, pencil, a graphing calculator, my school planner, my blue ringed folder, note cards, loose leaf paper, a ruler, sticky notes, text books, my science reference table, my USB drive on a necklace, and a copy of the book The Things They Carried or whatever book my English teacher is making me read.At almost all times I carry my piece-of-junk cell phone with the number written on the back, my iPod with the damaged headphone jack, my black leather jacket with the removable lining and hood for when it gets too hot, my beat-up old sneakers that have been doodled on a million times, a pair of my jeans, which is almost certain to be ripped at one of the knees, a tee shirt, my Casio calculator wrist-watch, and my gold class ring with my name inscribed on it.I ca
What I've Done Since You LeftSince you left meI sit in my room waiting for your calls, your texts, any messages from you at allI listen to love songs that make me think of youI hold back the tears that I feel will come bursting out any minuteI wonder, "Why him?" "Where did it all go wrong?"I wonder what I could have done differently, what you could have done differentlyI wonder why things went the way they didI try to write, but freeze up when I touch the keyboard.I try to distract myself from the pain, but it never lasts longer than a momentI try to stop loving you, but I fail every time.So I waitI wait for the day he breaks your heart and you return to me so I can fix it.
What I CarryWhat do I carry?I carry what I need for each day.On school days I carry binders, pens, pencil, a graphing calculator, my school planner, folders, note cards, paper, a ruler, sticky notes, text books, and a copy of the book "The Things They Carried" or what ever book my English teacher is making me read.I carry these things in my pockets, my pencil case, my backpack, and in my hands.Almost everyday I carry my cellphone, my iPod, my black leather jacket, my beat-up old sneakers that have been doodled on a million times, a pair of jeans, a tee shirt, my Casio calculator wrist-watch, and my class ring with my name inscribed on it.I always carry my thoughts, my memories, my feelings, my desires, my needs, my body, and my soul.Most importantly, I carry my love for her, even if she carries none for me.I carry the knowledge that he isn't right for her, that he will break her heart once again.But I also carry the knowledge that when he does break her heart and throws it aside